Well it's October 1st and I am nervous and a little anxious as I sit waiting for my breakfast order to arrive in the airport. I feel like I'm waiting for the starting gun to go off and trying not to have that look of focus, nerves and pent up energy on my face! (I've been told by a reputable source that when I get like this I have a remarkable resemblance to Clint Eastwood!)
It's time to go and I honestly don't feel like bonding with my team mates at this point. I don't want to worry about room assignments and what I should or shouldn't have packed. I just need to sit quietly, calm down and focus on the job at hand.
Well breakfast is done and I am lingering over coffee as I watch the sun rise over the West Jet planes parked just outside the window. I'm feeling more relaxed now and I'm getting calmer as the nerves start to melt away. I followed the advise of the guide books and have left my wedding rings and my locket at home . It feels strange not to have them and I keep fiddling with the fingers of my left hand searching for the comfort of the rings. In a way it's all part of the disconnect that needs to start now. Almost as if I'm pulling away from one life and stepping tentatively into the next. Dipping my toes into an epic adventure and realizing that the water's not as cold as I had imagined. I could be anything that I want or all that I can be. Perhaps I am stepping out of what I have become and growing into a more real me.
I remind myself to not pour too much into this trip, as it's not going to solve anything, but I also recognize that it may open a few windows. I feel like I have begun to draw a new map and that I need to keep reminding myself to stay open to possibilities, dreams and visions!
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